


Colors

by fangirling-feels (xGwenxVeerx)



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky runs away a lot, Bucky runs away and Steve runs after him, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Gay Bucky Barnes, I hope, I mean that's basically the story in a short way, I'm sorry for that, Like, Lovely steve, Luckily, M/M, Probably more characters and relationships tagged as I make progress with the story, Romantic Soulmates, Some angst, Soulmates, We have Steve here, Whenever he faces something that his isn't familiar with he starts to run, Who runs after him, description of panic attack?, guys there is more angst in here than i realised, seriously, warning: swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-07-29 14:49:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7688641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xGwenxVeerx/pseuds/fangirling-feels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world as we know it will change. It doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter where, because on one moment it will take away everything that you know and replace it with slightly altered versions.<br/>What do you have to do when you aren't prepared for the change? What do you have to do when the world seems to place you in a world you never wanted to end up in?<br/>What do you have to do if your only solution seems running away, in the hope of running towards your old life?<br/>What do you have to do when your life runs away from you and all that you can do is run after it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece

**Author's Note:**

> Because sometimes a cliché needs to be rewritten. Based on the regular soulmates AU where the world is Black and White until you meet your soulmate and partly inspired by the song Colors by Halsey. (Only partly since I started listening to the song after I came up with this)
> 
> This is my first time writing Stucky so I hope that you all like this! New chapters will come a bit later since I am going on holiday for three weeks :)

Natasha always told him that she couldn’t wait until it happened. She had a world filled with colours in front of her and yet she wasn’t completely satisfied.  
He never understood her need to find her soulmate. Time would make sure that they were ready for it when it was their time and he was sure that Nat seeking out her own point would only result in bad things.  
What he didn’t expect was to see her at his door on some random Monday morning, screaming and crying and tugging at his hands because ‘seriously James the world is black and white filled in with different shades of grey and I need to find him right now come help me you lazy prick’.  
She didn’t let go until the moment that he told her it was up for her to find him, that she was supposed to search for him now that her world had turned completely around. He kept looking at the overexcited redhead running over the street, not quite understanding that her world could go on without the only thing that could bring life to everything.  
Just as he closed the door behind him a certain boy with blonde hair bumped into his best friend, resulting in her screaming at his face that this wasn’t the kind of distraction she exactly needed right now.  
A lot of misunderstandings and a fight over hearing aids and a black and white world later he had to open the door again to find his best friend again, this time with the blonde guy next to her and the world soulmate dancing around her.  
He was truly happy for her. He just never expected her to find him this early in her life.  
If you would ask Bucky about it he would just say that the ended up being 90 years old and still in search of the so-called ‘one’.

Whenever he asked Clint about the day that he met Natasha the first thing he would always answer was that she was terrifying.  
“I mean, everything had just turned into the dullest colour ever, I was running around trying to find an explanation and without realising I bumped into this redhead that immediately started screaming at me about soulmates and more things that I didn’t understand. On top of that my hearing aids decided to stop working for some reason. It wasn’t the best first meeting,” this earned him a punch in the side from Nat almost every time, “but I wouldn’t want it anyway. Besides, it’s a pretty cool story to tell to others. Better than the generic ‘we met in the store and immediately fell in love’ everyone seems to have.”  
Maybe Clint was scared at first, but it always ended up in the both of them happy and without problems just like the rest of the world.  
He was afraid that he would eventually be the only one without all of that in his world.

His mother always told him that his world would end up just fine. That he didn’t need to worry about finding his soulmate, because fate had already planned out when it would happen for him and she was sure his soulmate would be the most perfect girl the world could offer.  
The only thing Bucky could offer his mother in return was a weak smile and the words that Nat was already the best girl the world could offer him.

All of his friends never failed to mention that his girl would be out there, that Bucky didn’t need to worry about his world suddenly losing colours because everything would end up being perfect in the end.

Bucky didn’t want anything perfect. He didn’t want a girl in a black and white world with the knowledge that they were each others halves and that this was how it should have ended.  
He wanted to be loved by someone he could love too. He wanted the world to be accepting of who he really was.

However, most of all he wanted fate not to be a homophobic bitch.


	2. You were red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost 3AM, I've been in a car for the whole past day all the way from Italy to the Netherlands and I should be asleep but I'm not. Instead Im here, posting a chapter that is unbeta'd, unedited and hasn't been looked over but I've been writing it the whole time when i was on holiday and I just want it to be out dam it
> 
> Also writing this I realised how bad my writing style is like honestly who do you all even read this it's bad written af
> 
> But anyways here is the chapter that is completly written on my phone and I do have to say that I kinda like how it turned out :)

It all started back in middle school. He never really put that much though in having a soulmate before that point. Sure, the idea of him and a girl together forever wasn’t the most pleasant idea but it was how fate had wanted it so why should he argue with it?  
However, now that he was surrounded by countless of guys and girls accompanied with the thought that he could end up with every female that was in the room…  
No. The girls in his class were only busy with boys and looks and which way they could show off their friendship in the best and most obvious way possible.   
He wasn’t interested in that. He would much rather play football with the giys and spent time with his best friend. Besides, he couldn’t name one girl that he could call ‘cute’ except his little sister.  
No, Bucky decided, he didn’t want nor need a girl in his life right now. While some people that he knew had already found their other half his world stayed its colourful self.

Together with the start of high school came his first couple of crushes, although he didn’t know if he could call all of them real.  
The first one was a girl named Angela. He only went to the movies with her because they went with a big group, so it couldn’t really count as a date. Besides, he only had the idea that he should like her because Natasha kept saying that Angela liked him which automatically meant that he should like her too.  
After the-girl-with-the-date-that-wasn’t-a-date-so-stop-calling-it-that-Natasha-or-else-I-will-kill-you came Lottie. Though he had feelings for her something he was certain about, those feelings turned out to be more brotherly than he had thought at first.   
He had felt guilty, trying to explain the things even he didn’t understand. Luckily for him she accepted his sad attempt at an apology and told him that she had felt the same about him. They parted on friendly terms.  
Barely a week later had Lottie found her soulmate.

Though Lottie and Angela weren’t the only girls he had ‘crushes’ on they were the only two whose names had stayed in his head. Bucky couldn’t recall for the life of him the name of the popular girl he only had a crush on because everybody else did and he didn’t want to be the one left behind.

High School was filled with a mixture of unknown and known, fake and genuine but mostly weird feelings and a lot of self reflectance.  
Bucky remembered no specific people but moments that helped him become who he is, though most of them were very confusing on their own.  
He remembered standing next to a group of girls who were all swooning over the hottest boy of the school. He remembered that he had seen him, which left him with a confusing feeling that he didn’t quite understood.  
He remembered that he had wondered how it would be kissing girls, instantly being grossed out by the thought of it, but also thinking how it would be if he kissed a guy.   
It had slightly shocked him, not only that he thought about it, but also that he kind of liked the idea.  
Bucky remembered a lot of things, but most if all he remembered his realisations at the end of highschool.  
James Buchanan Barnes is as gay as someone can possible be.  
All of the soulmate couples that he met were a boy and a girl together.

Yet the thing that he hated most realising was that he was screwed when it came to the soulmate fate had chosen for him.

When he woke up the world around him seemed to be the exactly as it always was. That was until he noticed that there wasn’t any light shining underneath his curtain. A quick look at his alarm told him that it was barely morning and that he would normally be asleep at this hour.  
Yet something else was off too. He couldn’t really pinpoint down what it was, but it was as if there was a little voice inside him whispering words that he hadn’t heard before.  
Bucky decided to step out of his bed, as he seemed to be completely awake and in no mood to fall asleep soon. His kitchen looked normal, nothing wrong but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he should look around more to see if everything was okay.his gaze landed on an old picture he had standing on his kitchen counter. Him and Natasha on their first day of highschool, ready to take on a world they weren’t ready for. Her hair looked greyish like it used to and Bucky couldn’t help but smile as he remembered that day, putting back the picture to take some juice out of the refrigerator.   
“Wait a-”  
Bucky had his hands around the picture as fast as was humanly possible, finally realising what was wrong. Nat’s hair. Never in his life had she painted it, let alone have it in the dullish grey her hair seemed to have in the picture.  
The glass shattered as the photograph met the ground, Bucky’s hands still shaking as the words finally formed in his head, the ones he hoped never to use in his life.   
Without thinking about it he ran out of his apartment towards his best friends house.

He didn’t even wait to see who opened the door as the words he feared to say found their way into the world.  
“It has started.”  
Natasha looked at him with a bored look on her face.  
“Listen up James, I know that you get all excited because the Great British Bake Off has started again but honestly that is no reason to show up out of nothing when we were still asleep. Go share your excitement with someone else. I’m sure Clint would love it but he is still asleep, just as the whole fucking street since it’s 5 am. Go the fuck to sleep Bucky.”  
She almost closes the door but he manages to put his foot between it, tears almost streaming down his face as his best friend doesn’t seem to understand what exactly was going on. He looked her in the eye, noticing how her once fiery red hair now looked a dull grey.  
“You don’t u-understand Nat,” he was full on crying as he realised how bad the situation was and how much he didn’t want this to happen, “it has started. Your hair, i-i-it’s grey and I a-a-a-am so so scared and I do-on’t want this to ha-a-appen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also HOLY SHIT THE RESPONSE THE FIRSTCHAPTER GOT WAS AMAZING!
> 
> 17 kudos and friends telling me that they love it and one friend is even readig this even though I'm pretty sure they don't ship Stucky 
> 
> Thank you all!
> 
> And I seriously hope that the next chapter will come a bit sooner than this one


	3. I was blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing confused Steve is fun. It's really fun. What's not so much fun, however, was writing this chapter. Moments like these are the ones I realise that English isn't my first fucking language as I'm staring at the screen blankly trying to form the sentence in my head that makes perfectly sence in my own language but somehow looks fucked up af in English...

Steve liked to wake up early. He liked to get out of his bed for his morning run and see the world he knew so well wake up around him. He liked that he had so much of the day left over to do what he wanted to do as he was energised and ready to take on the world.  
What Steve didn’t like was sitting in the car for a long period of time. He was a moving person, always on the go and always busy doing something because he couldn’t sit still.  
Yet the thing that Steve hated the most was adapting. He liked change, he really did. It was just the reaction to the change that he hated, the extra package that he didn’t sign up for.   
This time though, he didn’t really have a choice. He had decided months before that if he would stay at the same place for the rest of his life he wouldn’t end up happy and despite all the things that he hated that he noe had to face he didn’t want to stop himself from living his life.  
And now Steve was sitting in his car at 4 am in the morning, his best friends beside him as they were driving towards his apartment. He wasn’t ready for it, but he didn’t want to turn around and stay in a place that couldn’t offer anything new to him. A place that couldn’t make him happy anymore.  
He didn’t really have a choice.  
Peggy would have said that that wasn’t true. He always had a choice, she would say, and if he didn’t like the outcome he had the choice to change it.  
Yet changing whatever was going to happen in the upcoming future was chickening out of it and that was exactly what Steve didn’t want.   
He looked outside towards the everblue sky that seemed to have been changing into a greyish colour ever since they left his old home.  
“You guys think it’s going to rain today?” He looked at his friends while Sam tried to keep his attention at the road, which left only Peggy looking at him questioningly. “They didn’t say anything about it on the news so I don’t think so. Why?”  
He looked back at the sky, wondering what the change in colour exactly meant.  
“Just wondering.”  
He missed the glances his best friends send each other completely as he kept looking outside.

The apartment building he would end up living in was pretty big, but that was literally the only good thing he could say about it now. Luckily his apartment was big because Steve didn’t want to relive his college mistake all over again.   
By now the sky had turned almost completely grey as he looked up, wondering what in hell's name could be going on that made the sky turn this weird colour. He was turning the keys he had in his hand while thousands of questions ran through his mind, none of them making the least amount of sense.  
“Are you even coming in or did you decide to start living outside of the building?”  
Steve looked away at his best friend, noticing his grey shirt - wait wasn’t it blue when they left? - and the concerned look on his face.  
“I’m coming.” he says, looking up at the sky one more time before running of to the start of his new life.

He starts to notice something other than the weather is on when he enters his apartment. By now the sky had the same colour as Sam’s t-shirt and the feeling that something was wrong was bugging him more than he showed. He was certain his friends knew he was struggling with something but they decided to now show it, instead helping him move the last boxes in his new house. It feels strange, walking around rooms that would be his new home yet it felt like he was the furthest away from home in a long time.   
“Steve? Sam and I are going to get coffee, do you want something?”  
He looked at his ex girlfriend, wondering where it all went wrong and why he was now here. It belonged to the worries of the past, but sometimes they stuck up and wouldn’t leave him alone.  
“I don’t need anything specific, Peggy.”  
“A cappuccino it is then.”  
He laughed at her as she left the room, knowing exactly what ‘nothing specific’ meant. Instead of following her to tag along he started walking towards the bathroom. He didn’t know why he started walking but he knew that whatever was bugging him out of his mind had to stop.

The water splashed against his face as the fogginess in his mind slightly cleared. He hoped that Peggy and Sam would soon return with his cappuccino as it was the best way for him to get his mind of the worries he should have left behind.  
Now it was official. He had a new place to live and he was scared shitless for it, wanted to turn around and continue living his life before he had made the big decision to change it completely.  
Once he looked up in the mirror he was met with a familiar face that seemed so distant once he looked at it. A broken look, his once fierce blue eyes now a stormy grey that he couldn’t really place.  
Together with the sound of the doorbell came the first reasonable thought that Steve quickly dismissed as he walked towards the door to get his cappuccino.  
As he looked around himself Steve started to notice the different shades of grey where there used to be different variations of blue and he looks down, wondering if he would ever get to see the endless look of the sky again or the calming hues of the ocean. He doesn’t want this all to happen on the moment he wasn’t prepared for it, but Steve wouldn't have believed that Fate let it happen to anyone when they were prepared for this.  
He recognises the smell before he has even opened the door and he takes his cup out of his best friends hand, letting them walk into the apartment as he sips, enjoying the warmth of his beverage.  
“I’m meeting my soulmate.”  
It’s out before he has even thought about it but he doesn’t regret is, as it’s best if his friends knew what was going on that was bugging him so much.  
“We all will at some point in our lives so why are you so certain?”  
Steve was sure he couldn't look his friends in the eye as he took another sip, this time thinking about what he would say instead of letting his inner voice of worry take over.  
“The blue isn’t blue anymore. It’s slowly losing itself and it’s the only thing I could think of that made sense.”  
He looks up at Peggy when he feels her hand on his arm.  
“Can I talk to you for a moment? Outside?”  
“Sure.”  
It’s the only thing he can think of saying, waving goodbye to Sam who is whispering ‘good luck’ as he and Peggy make their way out of the building. He looks to the world around him, taking in as much of the colours as is possible as he starts to wonder what the next thing will be that he will lose.  
He hopes none of his friends are on that list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for angst. Cause if there is one thing I like writing more than Confused Steve than it's Angst :D


	4. And now he's so devoid of color

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the stats for this story guys ALL THE STATS I'M SO PROUD!
> 
> This is also the furthest I have gotten in a story so yay me! (realises that she still has to write a lot until the ending so fuck me)
> 
> Also, shout out to Jackie aka scarlettsoldier for being the best friend someone can ever ask for. I seriously don't know what I would have done with my life without you in it :D Also thank you for letting me happily share my ideas for this chapter :D
> 
>  
> 
> Ow and btw the amount of times I forgot an 'e' in a word makes me think that, by now, I should have at least started realising that something is wrong and should be changed there… But I have set it exactly so that if I misspell a word in docs it automatically changes it to the right one.   
> Sadly I didn’t have that setting in my earlier work. Now I’m wondering how many spelling errors are in those….
> 
> Have fun reading this chapter! I seriously think I fucked up here help...

Bucky wished that he could notice how there was always the feel of joy around the house, the safety that wrapped around him whenever he entered and the need to stay until he was feeling good again.  
He wished that he could notice the way his best friend would always smile on the pictures in a way that made him feel uneasy as if she was already planning how to kill you in the most ways possible if you would say anything about it. He wished he could notice the way Clint would smile at the camera with a knowing look, warning whoever was seeing it that he knew what would happen if something was said about it and he wouldn’t even mind.  
He wished that he would notice anything normal, anything that would prey for his attention whenever he would enter his second home but what was now shoved back in the smallest corner of his mind.  
Instead, he noticed the lack of colour around him, the varieties of shades replaced by the dull gradients of the grey, yet only appearing wherever he used to see the fierce colour of the flaming sun when it was shining for the last few minutes before sending the world to sleep. The rest was significantly starting to change, yet still being the way it used to be since he was born.  
He wished this wasn’t happening. He wished that he would just be visiting Natasha at a normal hour, while his world hadn’t changed yet. He wished that he was here because he wanted to, just to talk to his best friend and not because he needed help with his world that was changing.  
He mostly wished that his world just wasn’t changing.  
He didn’t need it to be this way, he didn’t need the world to give him a soulmate to spend the rest of his life with. He had survived up until this point, so who could say that he wouldn’t survive it after this? He didn’t understand life or the world and he didn’t understand why he had to get through all of this.  
“Do you want something to drink? Coffee, tea, hot chocolate? Maybe some non-hot beverage?”  
He looked up at Nat, admiring the fact that she was so calm while he was on the verge of freaking out, hoping that he could just wake up again in his bed, the world in his old state and the way it used to be, with Bucky as the single person who doesn’t need anyone in his life, exactly as he always was.  
It couldn’t be that way, however, and praying for it wasn’t going to help. For now, the support from his friends was the best he could get.  
“I don’t need anything.” he said as he sat down in the kitchen, looking at everything but Nat, hoping that this all was a mistake, that he didn’t have to devote his life to a girl who he didn’t even want.  
He could have seen it coming when Natasha placed a cup in front of him that seemed to be filled with chocolate. She was a caring type, even if she didn’t show it to the rest of the world. He was happy that there were enough moments where she let it shine through, as it was the side of Nat that many loved and cared about.  
“So, James, it’s still 5 AM in the morning, there is still no reason for you whatsoever to be here, so can you tell me what exactly is going on. From the beginning.”  
He didn’t dare to look her in the eye, afraid to start tearing up, but he started telling his story, carefully thinking about his words as he hoped that he wouldn’t suddenly hit a spot that would leave him speechless.  
It was quiet in the room, way too quiet as he was looking Natasha in the eye, hoping that his last words would be taken seriously, that she would still want to be around him and that there wasn’t anything that he was going to say that would make her mad at him.  
“It’s just, you know, over the years I , uhm, realised that I, eh, don’t really, I mean, I don’t want to, okay wait, it’s just-”  
“James, calm down. Breathe in, breathe out, don’t worry and tell me what’s going on.”  
Bucky looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling way more nervous than he was when he thought about all of it, even more nervous than he was when he was on the verge of breaking down mere seconds before.  
“I like guys.”  
“So?”  
“So? Everybody I know ended up with a person from the opposite sex! I can’t do that Nat! I can’t just walk around, knowing that I can never fully love my soulmate, never have the feelings that they have to return! I can’t offer her what she needs! I’m not ready for all of this!”  
He didn’t realise that he had started yelling at her, and as the sudden burst of anger fell down he noticed the tears running down again, the strong arms of his best friend wrapping around him as she hugged him, and he could hear the distant sound of footsteps on the stair.  
Fuck.  
He managed to wake Clint up.  
Well, if it wasn’t official already than it was now because Bucky was absolutely sure that he had managed to fuck up completely.  
He didn’t register the comforting hands around him, the soft voices that told him that everything was going to be alright or the  
Instead, he noticed the way the tiles felt as he fell down, tears streaming down his face as his mind was forming incoherent thoughts. All Bucky wanted to do was scream and cry and let the earth swallow him up completely.  
Maybe it was because of his current state that he didn’t realise it immediately. Maybe it was because he didn’t even try to pay attention to his surroundings. Maybe all of the information making his way to his brain was just too much, and that’s why he didn’t notice the change of surroundings immediately.  
It didn’t matter, because Bucky realised sooner than he wanted that his world had changed yet again, and he tried to fight the tears as he stood up, ignoring the looks on his best friends faces.  
He had to go. He had to go somewhere to clear his mind, to try to sort out his thoughts, to make sure that he wasn’t going to break down again, something that was highly likely.  
And so he ran. He didn’t even look behind him as he made his way out of the kitchen, out of the house he had started to see as his second home, out into the world that he didn’t want to belong to.  
Bucky ran as fast as he could, dodging his way around the few joggers that had already decided to go out and make the best out of their day, away from his safety and away from the world he had wanted to stay in forever.  
The grey shades around him seemed to mock him as he tried to escape them, failing as they seemed to return every time.  
He should have watched out, honestly. He should have paid attention to his surroundings, but he didn’t.  
That’s how Bucky found himself walking directly into a couple of people, sending himself to the ground.

Steve wanted to escape, to be alone without anyone around him asking if he was okay. He got it, he understood the concern of Peggy but he wanted her to not be concerned about him. He wasn’t hurt or anything, and he had already managed to move on from their relationship, something she didn’t seem to completely get.  
He tried to pay attention to the story she was telling but all he could notice was the slow desaturation of the colours around him. He was getting close, although he wasn’t sure if he should thank Peggy for that.  
Would he still have been this close to his soulmate if Peggy hadn’t asked to go for a walk with him?  
“Steve, are you okay?”  
The question was the first one Peggy had said that had actually gone through with him. He looked up, not sure what to expect, suddenly very cautious as if he had done something wrong.  
“Sorry?  
His head was filled with thoughts he couldn’t describe, words flowing around that he tried to catch as he tried to understand what had actually happened.  
He had heard her, sure, it was just…  
Steve was just afraid of the outcome.  
That was when some guy knocked both the life and the colours out of him as he ran into him.

The first thing Bucky saw when he looked up was a world with a lack of colours, one that he hoped never to witness.  
The second thing that he saw was a face. It was a beautiful one, really, but the thing that he didn’t like was that this face belonged to a girl.  
Fate was probably laughing it’s ass off right now. He would have done it too if it wasn’t him that had ended up in the situation.  
He tried to get up again, barely noticing the boy that was half lying on the pavement as he hoped that it wasn’t true what was going on.  
But he couldn’t turn around it. Here he was, standing in front of his soulmate with the world as it was supposed to be, and he was scared.  
He was so scared.  
Did his feelings ever actually matter? Where they ever significant in the find of his soulmate? Or where they just Fate’s way of saying ‘fuck you’ to whoever they didn’t like?  
Bucky did the only thing he could think of. It was a heat of the moment decision, one that he had made earlier on too.  
One that had brought him in this situation.  
Would it have been different if he hadn’t freaked out at Nat's place and started running there? Would it have been different if he would have just stayed there?  
It didn’t matter. He was here now and he couldn’t change the past.  
He could only hope that the future would bring something good.  
Bucky ran away as fast as he could.

It had all happened too quickly. One moment he was just walking around with Peggy, the other moment he had laid on the ground because some dude had walked into him and the next moment he was gone, together with the colours.  
He had tried to understand it, but he was left standing there, staring off into the distance where the guy had ran to. Why was he there? Why had he run away?   
Had the same happened to him as what had happened to Steve?   
He didn’t know what he was hoping for, but he was certain that the guy had something to do with the fact that his world was now covered in grey and black.   
He looked at Peggy, who was standing up, dusting off her jeans as she had fallen on the pavement with the guy on top of her. She didn’t seem to be shocked at all, which was something he found weird.  
He tried to take in the new look of the world around him, the way his favourite colours were now replaced with dull fake replacements. Was there anything good about it left?   
It was a cruel thing, having to lose something before he could gain another. Both of them were things he never thought he could live without.  
But now he had to. He didn’t really have a choice there, but as Fate was being it’s regular bitchy self, it had given Steve nothing but the loss of the most important things in his life.   
“Are you okay Peggy?”  
She looked at him, a wondering look on her face as he tried to understand everything, but he was left with thousand of voices in his head all laughing at him and his failure.   
“He is your soulmate, isn’t he?”  
The question came out of the blue and he was shocked that she had figured it out that quick, although he should have seen it coming when it came from Peggy.  
He stared at her, dumbfounded and not knowing what to say, but he nodded his head in agreement.  
“Well then, go after him. You’re supposed to have your happy ever after with him, aren’t you?”  
He looked down at the pavement, wanting to go run after the guy as he was starting to know for sure that whatever had happened wasn’t coincidence.  
All it took for him to start moving was Peggy giving him a slight nudge in the side and a couple of words from her.  
He had to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you all for angst didn't I? So yeah... 
> 
> *it feels as if I have just written and posted the worst chapter ever sooorrryyy*


	5. He don't know what it means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHH FINALLY IT'S HERE!  
> ENJOY READING EVERYBODY

Steve was running, not entirely sure where he was going, hoping that he would end up at the right place. Hoping that Fate would help him one more time in finding his soulmate.  
The streets all looked familiar and he had the idea that he was running for way longer than he was supposed to. What if he had passed this street already? What if he was running in circles without realising it?  
He was sure that he had seen that little bakery before, though he wasn’t sure when exactly he had seen it. Had it been when he had first entered the town together with his friends or when he had frantically tried to search the place for a sign of someone slightly familiar?  
He didn’t even know how the guy he was searching for looked like, how was he supposed to find him?   
He wasn’t. He was walking around some strange town, completely lost and without any idea where he had to go to to find his way back.   
He had to drop his search, go back home and hope that he would find him again another day. If he would continue now he would never find him and that was something Steve seriously didn’t want.   
And that was how he found himself in front of a door of the first house he thought he could find help. Steve didn’t want to admit it, he was utterly lost and something was pulling him towards the house. He just wanted help finding his way back home.   
He would find out there what he was going to do then.

Bucky always ended up at Nat. It didn’t matter what he had done, it didn’t matter what exactly had happened, because Bucky would always end up running away and somehow, he would always end up over at his best friends house. Period.  
What hadn’t happened before was him going there twice on the same day, both moments in tears and in worries of either what was happening or what was going to happen.   
Yet he finds himself there again, relying on his best friends help, hoping that she could take away his pain and make his life better again.  
Bucky remembered that his mom used to joke that he and Natasha worked together as if they were soulmates, although the both of them knew it wasn’t true.   
Yet maybe they were in someway. Platonic soulmates, destined to always end up together without ending up together.  
Was that the way he and his girl were supposed to end up too? He didn’t want that. He wanted to stay away from her in his safe life, where he didn’t need to worry constantly.  
He had failed that. He had been worrying constantly for his whole life, soulmate or not. Nothing was going to change that.  
“James, calm down. Breathe in, breathe out.”  
He couldn’t calm down. It felt as if the world around him was throwing daggers at him, piercing through him and slowly killing him from the inside while he stood there, unable to react or show anything, doomed to stand there and take it all in.  
His world was turning in the worst way possible and all that he wanted to do was to stand still, to let it pass by and not take him with it.  
“James? James!”  
His vision was clouded, his brain was on the verge of explosion. He wanted it to stop, wanted to be left alone, but he couldn’t.  
The voices were far away, barely recognisable but they were their. Bucky tried to reach out to them, tried to find them and hold onto them.   
His world was shaking, slowly stopped turning around yet it was still there. The headache, the feeling that he couldn’t breathe properly.  
It was pushed away in the back of his mind, there but not really present.   
Where was he? He didn’t remember entering his best friend's house, or taking place on her couch, or even lying down on it. What had happened?  
He should stand up but he didn’t want to. He wanted to keep lying down, stay in the same position and just become one with the couch.   
The footsteps nearing him were familiar ones, just like the voices he had heard when he tried to escape. He tried to remember what had happened exactly, but his mind was a blank space that didn’t want to reveal anything.  
“James, are you okay?”  
He had heard Natasha’s voice like that before once, when his sister had fallen down and passed out and they both had to take care of her, not knowing if she was going to be alright. It had broken him back then and it still broke him.   
He replied with a grunt, unable to form any coherent words as the tears slowly started falling again. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to be shown as weak in front of others.  
Why did he live in a world with the so called soulmates, when all it brought him was heartaches and worries, combined with the continuous feeling that something wasn’t supposed to go that way.  
“James, what has happened? Are you okay?”  
He didn’t want to respond. He wanted to hide, to get away from the world, but he was completely failing in that.  
“Come on James, say something. You know you can tell it to me. Have you found him?  
The last word that comes out of her mouth hurts him more than he would care to admit. Did she know about the mistakes of the system? Did she knew about the heartache it was giving him?  
Natasha had always been lucky when it came to the soulmate system and Bucky wondered if she would ever understand how it felt to not be. To walk around the world hoping that it would turn out at least decent.   
Hopin but knowing that it wouldn’t help at all.  
“It’s a girl.”  
His voice croaked, the hurt so obviously there as it seeped through the little holes of his broken soul. He didn’t want this life. He wanted to live in a place where nothing would be so fixed down on finding the person that was ‘meant’ to be in your life. To be in a place where he could find his own person to love, not someone who has been chosen for him.  
The tears were coming again, slowly falling down his cheeks as he stared at the dull colour of the couch in front of him.   
He wanted the pain to end, to live a normal life without having to stress about it every second.  
“O, James, say it ain’t so.”  
He wished he could, he really did.  
Bucky didn’t even notice the tears streaming down as he closed his eyes, feeling Natasha’s body close to his as she started hugging him.  
“We’ll figure out what’s wrong, I promise that.”  
He didn’t need anyone to tell him that the only thing that was wrong here was himself.

It was quiet for a while, no sounds coming out of the house whatsoever. Steve started to worry, hoping that the owners would actually be home, thinking that he should just leave and ask at the next house if they could help.  
The moment he turned around the door opened, revealing a woman standing with a concerned and tired look on her face and Steve almost immediately regretted that he had even come here in the first place.  
“Can I help you?”  
He couldn’t help but like her voice. There was his caring tone in it, one that didn’t shine through that much, concealed by so many other characteristics but i was there.  
“I’m sorry, but I just moved here and somehow I got lost in the streets and I am trying to find my way back but I have no idea where to go.”  
She looked at her shoes, a sigh escaping her lips. She sounded as if something had happened that had slowly drained her energy.  
“I’m sorry to ask, but are you okay? I can ask somewhere else too if I’m bothering you.”  
“No, it doesn’t matter, it’s just some problems with my best friends and his soul mate that we are trying to help him with but it doesn’t seem to work.”  
She looked at something inside the house as Steve’s heart sank a little. He was always thought that soulmates were supposed to make you happy, someone you should feel safe with when the world turned against you.  
“What happened?”  
Steve can’t help sounding sirius, not wanting to ask for too much attention but there was a pang in his heart that he couldn’t ignore.  
He just wanted to find his own soul mate again.  
“It’s a long story, I’m not really sure you really want to hear all of that. Do you maybe want to get inside? It’s almost lunchtime, do you want to eat something?”  
He didn’t want to admit it, but he was starting to get a bit hungry. He hadn’t eaten that much that day and he only now started to realise that time had flown by.  
“If it’s not that much of a bother, than yes, please.”  
She opened the door some more, stepping aside to make way for him inside.  
“Fair warning, it can be a mess inside. I’m Natasha by the way. Might be an important piece of information if you enter a person’s home.”  
“Steve.”  
He reaches out his hand to shake hers.  
“Well, Steve, welcome to our home. Where do you live, if I may ask?”  
Steve doesn’t have time to answer as he entered through the door, suddenly feeling as if his heart had stopped beating for a moment. He could swear he could see the girl’s - Natasha’s - hair in it’s original, fiery red state and it’s weird, weirder even than the moment that his whole world had run away from him.

Bucky opens his eyes and the couch looks brown again. He closes them in disbelief, and everything looks the same when he opens them again.  
Something is wrong.

Her hair looks grey again when she turns around and he can swear that she was asking something but he forgot what and it doesn’t even matter anymore. His heart is beating in a frequency that is slowly starting to match the footsteps drawing nearer.  
Steve doesn’t know what exactly is happening and he doesn’t want to know either.

There is this tingling feeling in his chest and before Bucky can even realise what he is doing is he walking towards the hallway, towards Natasha and the stranger that is standing there.   
He tries to ignore the stupid thoughts that can never be real.

Maybe it’s him.

Maybe it’s her.

When Bucky enters the hallway there is an indescribable feeling in the air, pinched through by the sound of the doorbell ringing, followed by a few muttered words from Natasha and they are alone again.

“It’s you.”

They both feel complete and it's weird and somehow, Bucky wants it to stay like this, in all it’s weirdness and the uncomfortable mess that they are in but he doesn’t want it any other way.  
And at the same time he is confused, because why is it him, what makes him so special that the stranger thinks this way.  
And then Nat opens the door more to let another stranger come in and for once it isn’t a stranger. 

“It’s her.”

And he wants to run again but he don’t know where to. He wants to be safe but for once he feels like he is, an unexplainable feeling that doesn’t want to go away.

The air around them is pushing into them, whirling around thoughts and hopes and doubts and questions. It’s undeniably uncomfortable yet no one dares to say a word and change it. Change means answers, and answers mean the truth and none of them are ready for that.

“Sooo… anyone up for coffee?”

The only answer that Clint got was a smack in the head from Natasha.

 

Bucky looked at his cup of coffee, his gaze not meeting any of the others. It’s a strange gathering, people that didn’t know each other yet were together in a way that was almost indescribable, all of them feeling that they knew each other for ages yet just having met half of them for the first time. Not shortly after they moved to the kitchen - all the while Bucky wanted to start screaming or crying because he was feeling so confused - another guy had joined them after Steve had texted him the address. It appeared that Steve didn’t even live that far away from the place they were currently at - a statement almost immediately followed by the shared laughter of everyone else when they realised that Steve was utterly lost five minutes away from his home.   
It had somehow felt right between them all, as if they were one big friends group that had known eachother for years by now.  
It was so weird to think that it hadn’t been this way before, that they had just met that day. Bucky didn’t like thinking about that, since it meant thinking about Peggy - he had to admit that he kind off liked her name - too, which resulted in him thinking what the universe exactly had against him to put him in this position.  
He hadn’t really paid attention to the conversation going on around him but he knew that it would probably be about Natasha and Clint and how utterly happy they were together. He had heard them talking about it way too often to even care to pretend to listen to it, instead finding himself watching Steve as he was trying to listen to it.  
Steve looked cute. He wished that the universe hadn’t been such a dick, because maybe then he would have had a chance with him.  
Yeah right, as if that was ever a possibility.  
Bucky hadn’t paid that much attention to the conversation but now he kind off wished he had, as he suddenly heard Peggy’s words pierce through the air.  
“I’m actually engaged, met him a couple of months ago.”  
The words echoed through Bucky’s mind, messing up every straight thought that he was having. He didn’t understand the meaning behind them, tried to figure it out on his own yet knowing that it wasn’t going to work.  
His world didn’t make sense anymore, he needed time to think, away from the noises that were slowly getting closer to him and creeping him out.  
He was out of the room in no time, leaving behind a group of people who didn’t understand a bit of the situation.

And then there was Steve, who felt like a part of his life was walking away of him.  
Again.  
So basically the only logical thing that he could do was run after it again.

“So, anyone of you want another cup of coffee while those two try to figure shit out?”

 

The garden was quiet, none of the sounds of the world around them piercing through as Bucky fell to the ground, feeling unable to breath for a minute. It didn’t make sense anymore. He wanted to wake up again, couldn’t shake off the feeling that this wasn’t how it was supposed to go down.  
He was promised a happy life, one where he didn’t need to worry about what was going to happen. There would be someone waiting for him, who would love him more than he could ever understand.  
He would love them back in the biggest way that was humanly possible.

And now he was sitting here, on the ground of his best friends’ garden, hoping that all of this was some cosmic joke and that he would wake up again, in a world that wasn’t completely turned against him, where everything was still the way it was supposed to be and that he never had to worry about his future.   
His sobs pierced through the soundless walls around him and it felt as if his world slowly collapsed around him.  
Every small thing that he had hoped for had turned out to be a complete lie, a bullshit reason to not let him lose hope.  
Yet it would never work.  
He had lost all of the hope that his world could possibly offer.  
He was broken beyond repair and the person who could help him was never meant for him.  
Bucky was pretty sure that if Fate was an actual person they would have laughed themselves to death by the stupidity that was called his life.

Steve’s first reaction was to just stand there, maybe even run away to get someone else to help the boy in front of him.  
He wanted to help. He absolutely wanted to help but had no idea how.  
The only thing he could think of that could maybe help the boy sitting in front of him was sitting down next to him.  
To share his sorrow, to comfort him where it was needed.   
To be there for him.  
That was all that he could offer.

He had never heard the footsteps drawing nearer, never realised that someone had actually ran after him to check up on him until he felt the arms around him, taking him closer to the person’s body, trying to calm him down.  
He didn’t want to admit it, but it felt as if this was how it was supposed to be.  
For the first time in forever (oh heck no sorry but I had to write that down it’s going to be changed I promise) it felt as if everything was going to be okay.

The silence was rudely disturbed by the question that he never expected, and Bucky wanted to throw it away, to never let it return but he couldn’t. It was already out in the open, waiting to be answered.   
“Why did you run away?”  
He liked Steve’s voice. It was comforting in its own way, soothing in a way that made him feel comfortable again. He wanted to throw himself in the feeling of it, let it wrap around him and not let him go.   
He looked up, meeting his eyes and for the first time, Bucky started to wonder which colours his eyes would have been.  
It was weird that they had only met that day, both never having met the other before yet still feeling comfortable around the other.   
“Why did you run away earlier today? You seemed so shaken, so out of the world, as if you didn’t belong there. And then it happened and you just looked up and ran away, almost as if it didn’t mean that much to you.”  
There was a pause where Bucky tried to take in the meaning of the words, their taste and their feeling.  
He pushed himself away from Steve, suddenly wanting to have the distance between them as big as was possible yet still staying close to each other.  
“I ran into her. My whole life was turned upside down in a second and I couldn’t - I couldn’t take it, you know? So I ran, I ran away and I hoped that if I ran as far away as was possible that everything would stop and that I wouldn’t be scared for anything. That I could continue again, without having to constantly worry. And then I ran into her and the world just changed in it’s permanent state and I guess I just…”  
He had trouble finding his words, not completely sure of what to say next but he needed those words to be out, to not be shoved inside of him.  
“I never wanted life to turn out this way, so I ran. I was scared, unsure of what was happening. It was the only thing I could think of.”  
“Wait, wait hold up. You thought that Peggy was your soulmate?”  
Those words felt weird, almost as if they didn’t belong there. They weren’t comforting as the previous parts of the conversation but had a slight hint of a mocking tone, one that he didn’t like at all.  
Oh, how one simple sentence could change the whole atmosphere.  
“Isn’t she then? I mean, it’s the only logical explanation. I knocked into her the moment that my world turned grey. She was the first person I saw after it and now I get to hear that she already has a soulmate. It just makes sense! Because why wouldn’t Fate and the Universe turn against me, the only person that never wanted any of this, and throw me in some shithole that you call my life? I was never meant to have a normal soulmate like everybody else! I am not meant for the happiness, I don’t deserve all of that crap so why wouldn’t she be my so-called soulmate?”  
It was quiet between them as they both stared at each other, having stand up from the ground, both with the feeling that the whole world just wasn’t right and that it would never be.  
“Because I was there too.”  
The words are soft, so different from anything that had been thrown to the other already. Bucky was sure that if it hadn’t been that quiet around them he wouldn’t have heard the words, although his mind was unable to grasp the meaning behind the words.  
“What?”  
“Peggy wasn’t alone today. She, uh, she wanted to talk to me about something outside and while we were walking you suddenly ran into us.”  
“What?”  
He had heard his words and he tried his best to understand them, but he couldn’t. Somewhere deep inside him a small flame of hope started burning but he quickly extinguished the flames before it was too late. This wasn’t exactly what he wanted.   
He wanted answers, not hopes. He wanted something that could steady him yet all he got were things that seemed to bring him even more out of balance.  
“For fuck’s sake Bucky! I was there too! You didn’t only walk into her, you also walked into me! Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever thought about the possibility that there are others who have feelings as well, who might be walking in the same place as you and then get stuck in some sick version of this stupid universe?”  
Steve suddenly looked away, as if he was scared to face Bucky, scared or whatever this was going to lead to.  
“You didn’t only walk into her, you walked into me as well and when I tried to get up, everything just, you know, completely changed. And then I saw you, running away from me and all I could do was go after you. Go after you, try to find you, try to find answers as to why you would be gone when the best thing in life had obviously just happened.”  
Bucky had stared at him, dumbfounded because he hadn’t known what to say about any of his words up until the last few.  
Something snapped, although he couldn’t quite point down what it was.   
Yet it happened anyways.  
“The best thing in life? Which stupid fucking best thing in this life? Getting to meet someone who you are supposed to spend the rest of your fucking life with and basically all that you heard about them was that it would be wonderful and magical and god you hope that it would be that! You just hope and pray that it would turn out the way you want it to, and then you actually stand there, the whole world slowing down around you and instead of the rose petals falling down and the whole shabang happening that you hoped would happen, you’re left there and it’s not what they told you, it’s not even close and you don’t know what to do. And truth to be told, you dreaded the day ever since you found out that you are different and all you could do was hope that somehow, in some way, things would turn out just the way you wanted and then you are standing there and it doesn’t.”  
Bucky looks at Steve, unaware of the tears that had started to fall down. Dam it, he had cried so much already in the past day that every time he started all over again Bucky wondered if he would ever have a shortage of tears, if there would ever come a moment where he couldn’t anymore.  
A moment where he would break out only to realise that he was already shattered on the ground, unable to break even more because the damage had already happened.  
“Unless you have been in the exact same fucking position as I have been in then you have no reason to judge me for who I am and the decisions I made, or for the things I tend to look at differently than you. For me, it never was ‘the best moment of my fucking life’ or however way you want to put it.”  
And with that Bucky sat down again, turned around so he wouldn’t have to face Steve, unable to do that without completely lose it, but he needed to continue.  
“You can tell me all you want that she isn’t my soulmate, that it is you, but you cannot prove it. For all we know Fate has decided to be an absolute dickhead and gave Peggy to me as a soulmate and gave me to you and decided to sit on a cloud so they could point and laugh at us.”  
He wished that he was alone again, that Steve would shut the hell up and not bother him, that he wouldn’t be standing behind him with no intention other than to just stand there and do nothing than criticize him.  
And yet, at the same time, all he wanted was to have Steve sitting next to him, to support him and just stay there. To not go away. He wanted Steve to move his ass to him, that he would forget whatever the hell had happened between them.  
He wanted to scream at Steve for no apparent fucking reason.  
At least the ground was comforting and less confusing for his feelings.

Steve sat down next to Bucky with certain distance between both of the boys. He had somehow lost his words, thinking over and over again of the things Bucky had said. He had never guessed that there was so much behind the reason why Bucky had ran away that morning and Steve couldn’t help but feel like an utterly ignorant dick for it.  
He shouldn’t, he knew that but it didn’t really help him feel any better about it.  
Steve also couldn’t help but think of the weird scenario Bucky had sketched out, the one where the soulmate system was broken and flawed. The one that, no matter how much thinking he put into it, just didn’t make any sense at all.   
It had felt right for him, the moment he had seen Bucky again, this time waiting instead of running away.  
Steve thought about a way to prove to Bucky that they belonged together, that fate wasn’t sitting on some cloud and pointing and laughing at them.   
He looked up at Bucky who was staring of into the distance, completely lost in thought and he couldn’t help but smile. He wanted to erase all of the bad moments, to start over, to convince Bucky that they did belong together.  
That Fate wasn’t sitting on some cloud and pointing and laughing at them, but seriously screaming because these idiots needed to get over their shit and just agree that they were perfect for eachother.  
Without looking at Bucky Steve started to speak again.  
“Maybe that’s the way this all works, that we live in some fucked up world where we think everything will turn out as it’s supposed to be but instead this is all some stupid joke. We don’t know, and I don’t think that we will ever really know.”  
He looked at his feet, suddenly not so sure where he was going with his story, just wanting this all to be over.   
“Maybe we just have to accept all of this how it is, in its imperfectness and weirdness and not knowing if what we think is supposed to be in a certain way is actually the right thing. Maybe the only way that we will know for sure is if it feels right for us, and even than we won’t know for certain if that’s okay.”  
Steve slowly moved his hand towards Buckys, in the hope that he could hold his and not only calm the boy next to him, but also calm himself down. He hadn’t noticed but it had felt as if his whole world was slowly crashing down, taking him down too.  
“I guess that all I wanted to say is that we will never really know if it is supposed to be like this, but for me it feels as if we are supposed to be together. When I see you I want to hold you close, make sure that you are okay, know that you don’t have to worry anymore. And yeah, maybe I can never prove to you that we really belong together, maybe we just have to trust our feelings or hope for the best, since we will never know for sure.”  
It was quiet between them but for the first time in the conversation it hadn’t felt as a bad thing, but as an understanding and comforting silence that was surrounding both of the boys.  
Buckys fingers found Steves and they looked up at each other, a small smile formed on his lips.  
“We can never deny that this is a somewhat messed up world, where we will never know anything for certain and where Fate is pointing and laughing no matter what we do. That’s what I know, since that is what I experienced my whole life. At least now, I’m glad that I have you around in this messed up life. I can use a partner in crime.”  
“I think you mean a partner to get out of all of the crime. I’m serious, once I see a situation pointed south I can’t ignore it.”  
Bucky laughed, looking a lot less nervous than he had done before, although he suddenly looked off into the distance, as if something was wrong.  
“Are there, I mean, do you know, uhm, well,”  
He slowly took a deep breath. Steve could see he was having trouble with whatever was going on, but he hoped that Bucky understood that it didn’t matter what was going on, because he would be there for him.  
“Have you ever met a couple that got together because of whatever this mess is, that, uh, were two guys or two girls?”  
“Plenty of times, really. It wasn’t ever a big problem though. Back home everybody believed that if you lost the colours, you had met your number one, no matter who they are. Why?”  
“I might or might not have thought for the majority in my life that it wasn’t supposed to go that way.”  
Suddenly everything clicked in his head. The way Bucky had acted upon finding out, the words he had thrown to Steve, they weren’t weird facts anymore, they actually made sense.  
“Woops?”

“Again, sorry for the disturban-” “Oh, nonsense. It was nice meeting you all and talking to you and I am pretty sure that we now both don’t have to deal with a sulking friend around us.”  
Laughter filled the air as Natasha spoke her words. Bucky knew he should probably say something about it but he didn’t mind that much, instead looking at Steve as he stood beside his friends, putting his number in Bucky’s phone so they could talk whenever they wanted to.  
Bucky wasn’t sure if he could trust the world again but he knew that he could at least trust the people beside him to help him when everything seemed to go downhill again.  
“So, I guess that I will see you again soon?”  
“I guess.”  
Bucky smiled as he saw Steve awkwardly scratching his back as he suddenly had no idea what to say anymore. Bucky liked seeing him this way, and it was weird to imagine that they had only met that morning. He had already started dreading the moment that they were separated from each other and looking forward to the next moment that they would meet again.  
Yes, the whole idea of soulmates might not be the best one in the world but this sure as hell felt right.  
Bucky slowly moved himself closer to Steve, hearing the other boy talk about their phones and that they should seriously fix a date to get to know each other better. He could also hear the remainings of the conversation behind him but he didn’t pay attention to it. He couldn’t care less about the conversation between his friends, instead focussing on the boy in front of him, a small plan forming in his head.  
He looked at the boy in front of him, admiring his looks, taking in as much of his beauty as was possible since he hadn’t really had that opportunity before. His gaze fell in Steve’s blue eyes, slowly sinking away in the river that was hiding there. He noticed the light blush on Steve’s cheeks, the way his eyes were twinkling and how happy he looked when he was talking to him.  
Maybe he had thought about it, maybe the idea had started to form in his head but he would have never thought that he would practically throw himself against Steve, their lips connecting, his arms thrown around the other boy's neck, easily shutting down the seemingly endless train of words.  
It was awkward at first, Steve not knowing how to respond to the sudden kiss as Bucky was wondering why in hell's name he had even started it but then Steve started kissing him back, slowly melting into his touch.  
It felt good.   
Bucky felt himself melting in the touch, suddenly not caring about whatever was happening behind him, only focussing on the boy in his arms and how his lips felt so good against his own. It felt as if it was meant to be this way, and Bucky tried to push away the sappy and completely unwanted thought as soon as it came up, to make place for the much more wanted - though unexpected - thoughts of how he never wanted this to stop.  
Their lips were moving together as he picked on bits and pieces of normally useless information that he happily gathered in his head. He noticed the smell that was surrounding Steve, a fresh one that calmed him down, one that he wanted to fall back into, to be wrapped around him and never let him go.  
He felt Steve tugging at the at the collar of his jacket, pulling the two of them even closer to each other. He wanted to stay like this forever, feeling safe in his embrace, knowing that the world would be alright if they would stay together.  
It wasn’t until they parted that Bucky actually realised what had just happened, but instead of getting mad about it, something he would have totally done when it had been mere hours before, he just smiled at Steve who was happily smiling back at him. 

There was a coughing sound behind them and they both turned around, their gazes meeting with their friends as they both suddenly realised that they were still there too. They both looked down in embarrassment, their hands linking as their friends just laughed at the sight in front of them.  
“Well, even though this is all super adorable and all and none of us wants to actually separate you two, I think it’s time that me, Steve and Sam head back before the people are there with your furniture and decide to leave again because we aren’t home.”  
Steve looked at Bucky, an adoring smile on his lips as he kissed him another time, followed by some whispered words.  
He didn’t want to leave, but Peggy was right.  
As they were walking back to his new home, Steve looked back again, smiling as he saw Bucky standing happily next to his friend.  
“So, I guess this new start was a good choice?”  
He looked at her, unable to get his grin from his face.  
“It’s the best decision I have made.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaahh! It's over!
> 
> I seriously do not know how fucking happy I am right now. Colors is the first story I have ever finished and it's the middle of the night but I don't care cause I am happy and proud of myself!
> 
> This chapter honestly took so long to write! I hope that you are all happy with how it turned out and I hope that I haven't fucked up anything in the end.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this and thank you all so much for staying with me on this long ride!
> 
> Love you all loads  
> x Vera
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. For the people that are paying attention: yes, there is still one chapter left. This chapter, however, is an epilogue that won't change anything important for this story. Technically speaking, Colors end here, but in my mind, it "ends" after the epilogue. If my mind won't be a huge piece of shit than it will be out soon :)


	6. And now I'm covered in the colors

Bucky used to think that the universe hated him. That there couldn’t be any reason for him to get a happy ending, that he would end up in some situation he never wanted to end up in.  
And then he met Steve.  
True, at first he had thought it had been one of those moments that some entity had decided to joke with him, to show him yet again that he couldn’t get those things in life that he desperately wanted, no matter how much he hoped for it.  
And now, he was standing in front of his best friends house, together with his boyfriend, being as happy as he could ever be.  
Although happy didn’t fully cover the way he was feeling. Bucky was nervous, way more than he had been in ages. He didn’t know what exactly caused this feeling, grabbing Steve’s hand to comfort him. He still couldn’t really believe the way his life had ended up this way, with a wonderful guy next to him and tons of new friends that were supporting him no matter what.  
And to think that he thought Fate hated him.  
It took a full minute before the door is finally opened, Natasha standing there with a happy look on her face as she looks at the two boys standing in front of her.  
There are countless of things that Bucky could notice in that moment, like the way Natasha was shining even more than she would normally do, or the fact that her huge grin was so unlike her that he should know something was going on.  
Yet he couldn’t, instead looking at her hair, blinking a few times because he couldn’t really process what he was seeing.  
He was too shocked to look away, almost crushing Steve’s hand by pinching probably way too hard, but he had every reason to, given the sight in front of him.  
“Uhm, guys? Why are you both staring at me weirdly? Seriously, am I suddenly naked or something? Gone bald?”  
It’s quiet for a moment and Bucky is almost sure that the world has stopped turning, that he has lost his voice forever, together with the sense of ‘I-finally-understand-the-world’.  
“You’re hair. It’s, eh, well, you know, eh…”  
“Red.”  
It’s a common fact, one that he had known from ever since he has known Nat, but it’s the first time in months that he actually sees it in its original state.  
Bright, fierce red.  
Steve pinching his hand equally as hard as Bucky and him starting the first sentence only shows that Bucky isn’t the only one who can see it.  
He takes it back. This is the biggest and boldest ‘fuck you’ the universe and Fate could ever give him.  
They must really, really hate him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! Or.... is it? *mysterious music starts playing*
> 
>  
> 
> Since this is my first ever story that I finished it just feels like a thank you is definitely meant to be here, so yeah...
> 
> Thank you to you, the reader, the person who decided that this weird-ass story was worth a shot. Thank you for starting it, for finishing it, for giving me endless support even if it was just by LOOKING at it. Thank you. Without you, I don't think that I would have finished this.  
> Thank you to the 28 (!!) subscribers for this story. To think that you will receive a message once a new chapter is uploaded makes me very very happy.  
> Thank you to my friends who decided to be equally (or less, let's be real here) excited about this, either from the first moment I started talking about this or in a later state. You have given me a place to gush about it in the first place, and given me the courage to start the story in the first place.  
> Thank you to thestuckylibrary, for letting me get excited about this up to three (3!!!!!!) times about this without getting mad. Thank you for giving me an extra audience to share this story, and for giving me a place to find other great (and let's be real 10000 times better) stories to read.  
> Also thank you for not getting mad at me for coming to you so often to share this.  
> Thank you to every single friend who answered when I asked for help, for (proof)reading chapters for me, and telling me that my writing style isn't that weird at all and that you love it. It's the one thing I feel insecure about and you made sure that I wouldn't delete almost every single written word.  
> Thank you to my family for supporting me even if they didn't know I was writing this, and for letting me write this chapter while on holiday and not getting mad when I didn't want to tell you what I was writing.  
> And last but certainly not least, the biggest thank you goes to you, Jackie. Thank you for getting so excited about this with me, thank you for constantly giving me support, thank you for coming to me when you wanted to talk about your story (because god that makes me feel special and happy) and thank you for letting me come to you when I wanted to talk about this.  
> Thank you for the late night conversations, thank you for the early morning conversations, thank you for all the conversations that we had and that we will have. Thank you for being there.  
> Thank you for being such an incredible friend.
> 
> I love you all so so much  
> Vera :3


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